On pointing fingers and missing the point

Rather you are a Christian or not the words of this song are worth listening to. I know many people who wish Christians they have come in contact with had heard this song long ago.

On helping and being helped

I listened to Shane Claiborne talk today. If you have never heard of him you have missed something. He is a Christian activist who grew up in the same town I live in and has went on to start a small Christian community in inner city Philadelphia called the Simple Way. There is no way in a few words I can do justice to the kind of person he is or what he has done. Check out Shane or the Simple Way on the internet and prepared to be amazed. He takes the idea of “love your neighbor” seriously. He actually believes Peter. Paul, James and John had a good idea.

He told this story.

There was a man and woman very much in love who wanted to have a child very badly and found out they couldnt. One night walking through their town they saw a homeless lady, really almost more of a girl, that was about 6 months pregnant. They stopped to talk with her. It was a cold and rainy night. They invited her to come to their house for the night. They talked into the night and found out about the painful circumstances that had led her to this place in life. They talked further with each other and prayed. They ended up inviting the girl to stay with them and have baby.

When the baby came they were excited. They had a baby in their life. The three adults and the baby became a family. A real family. They asked the girl one night, “What do you want? You have given us a chance to be part of a child’s life. What do you want?” She wanted to go to nursing school. With a lot of encouragement she went. She became a nurse.

The lady became sick. She had M.S. and began to die. Finally she died about a year ago.

Her last days were days of love. Her husband loved her much. She had a child in her life who loved her much.

And she had a nurse who stayed with her through the worst of times who loved her very much.

A true, very true story.

Forgiveness

Without forgiveness there is no future or hope for the future. We are condemned to try to win the extra innings of a past game that can never be won. We may fight to win or to avenge past hurts, but we find the bell rings soon for the next round. It is a process without end that leaves us hollow and worn out and suspicious of the idea that anything better can happen.

In a family or relationship where one of the people involved has bipolar disorder forgiveness is the key to anything different happening. There is almost always more than enough injury to go around. There is attack and counter-attack fed by a disorder that without treatment and recovery that simple ravages the lives of everybody it touches.

Forgiveness may be something you never feel like doing. Depending on how much hurt you have endured it may be something you never feel like doing. But forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision. To some degree it may always be a decision that goes contrary to what you feel like doing. Payback and revenge are remarkably seducing. They feel so good when you feel like the other person deserves it.

That is the first principle of forgiveness. You must decide to do it. And you must act on that decision.

Forgiveness is a gift, not a reward. You don’t forgive people simply because they deserve it, although it really helps if you feel that way. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It frees you from the bondage of a never-ending spiral of debts incurred and debts repaid.

Reconciliation depends on what the other person does. Forgiveness depends on what you do. You can give it rather the other person accepts it or not. The only real question is rather or not you wish to hold onto the injuries you feel like you have received until you even the score and rather or not you are willing to live with the other person’s efforts to even the new score.

How do you forgive?

1. First and foremost give up the right to retribution. Let it go. Decide to not make any attempt to even the score, even if you feel justified in doing so. Think hard about that one. It can be so remarkably hard to do. In the Bible Jesus talks many times about the foundational truth: Do not hold a grudge. Nothing good or pleasing to God can happen while you do.

2. It helps to do this for the bipolar family if you can make a distinction between what is bipolar and what is not. As hard as it is try not to take things personal. Knowledge it would seem is important in the process of forgiving.

3. Decide to treat the other person as a person. Do not be content to chart your relationship with others based on what labels you apply to them and them to you. If you can look past the labels you may find yourself trying to treat the other person as you would like to be treated. People make mistakes. If it was a capital crime all of us would be dead.

4. Wish the other person well. Be glad if good things happen to them. Don’t feel cheated if they do good. You can not forgive someone if you have a continued stake in their misery.

It sounds simple, but it is not. It takes much hard work and commitment. The good news is that the more you practice the better you get. In time you may become a forgiving person.

Forgiveness allows you to plant the seeds for future hope. For without forgiveness everything is simply a rerun of what has already happened. Everyday is “Groundhog Day.”

God Bless you.

</p

Values and principles

We are all in the boat.  The greatest lie is that my boat is better than your boat or you dont even belong in any boat.  We are all in the boat.

This post marks the return of  “In the boat” to being an active blog.

 

How about this for a novel idea.  I found it in a book written by Stephen Covey.  Paraphrasing he says, “Our values may determine what we do, but the principles we live by determine the outcomes of our actions.”

I dont know about you but there are people I know whose values are not that far away from me who, I believe, live with a complete lack of principles.  Regardless of your political beliefs look at any politician.  Regardless of your religious beliefs look at too many religious leaders. 

Perhaps what you stand for is not as important as how you stand.

Perhaps the content of our life cannot be considered apart from the way we live it.

Perhaps we need to value principles.  In the long run dont they really determine the cards life deals us anyway?

Our lives are to some extent always a function of our conditions.  But perhaps our conditions become to some extent a function of us when we base our lives on principles worth living for. 

Maybe things like honesty, fairness, compassion, love, courage, and many others do matter.  Perhaps, in some sense, all of us can be a lot more than we give ourselves credit for

Second look: Till the coming of new day

Till the coming of new day

In the night of life

Hope seems small and quiet

And shivers before the wind

That cuts to the bone

And clings like a tight fitting coat

That cuts off all movement

But never brings enough warmth.

Sadness

Brings its own night

Its’ clock seems somehow stilled

And day

A tissue-paper memory

That comes apart in our hands

As we try to bring it close and real

Weariness hangs in the air

And is in every breath

As hearts

Grow tired and slow

And wonder at

The absence of the sun

Reaching in the dark

For new places

We feel like we are

One mistake from

Being forever lost

And stop fearful

Afraid to move

Dear God

Move among the shadows

Of our despair

Show us in Your love

That darkness is

Only of the moment

And that in reaching

To each other there

Is warmth and comfort

And the assurance of

New day and new light

God bless us

And leave us assured

That even in the coldest and darkest

Of nights

That You give warmth and shelter

Till the coming of new day..

Some thoughts from Dean Koontz

“People didnt believe in the past, and they didnt believe in the present or the future because they were told constantly they are were headed toward one cataclysm or another, that before them lays a smorgasbord of dooms.  They  believed only in the far future where adventures took place on distant planets nothing like Earth and involved characters little or nothing like contemporary human beings or they wanted parallel words with wizards and warlocks, where all problems were solved with wands, spells, and the summoning of demons.”

from “Frankenstein lost souls”

Talking to folks. A primer on motivational interviewing

Does depression have an upside

I found this article looking through some older stuff of mine. Seems like a good thing to share.

The Myth of Depression’s Upside | World of Psychology.

Second look: the poetry of Larry Drain

SEEKING SOLID GROUND

We all go to war each day

Each day a muddy confusion

Seeking solid ground

On which to stand

Against galing winds

That leave us huddled

And hanging on

Never clear where to

Or where from

Lost without story

Trying to hold the truth

That what was

Need not always be

And hanging on to the

Small hope of single moments

And praying for new melody

in the next day…………………………………………..

4ever

Forever and ever

and four more days

is how long

our love will stay

Even in times

alone and so cold

Your heart touches mine

your beauty is told

your smile brings

the light in

the darkest of times

And speaks to me clear

of the hope that is mine…………………………………………….

LInda a rose

forever in bloom

Though quietly you walk

Your scent fills the room

As I lay down

to sleep in the night

Your love fills my dreams

with visions of light…………………………………………………………..

Till the coming of new day

In the night of life

Hope seems small and quiet

And shivers before the wind

That cuts to the bone

And clings like a tight fitting coat

That cuts off all movement

But never brings enough warmth.

Sadness

Brings its own night

Its’ clock seems somehow stilled

And day

A tissue-paper memory

That comes apart in our hands

As we try to bring it close and real

Weariness hangs in the air

And is in every breath

As hearts

Grow tired and slow

And wonder at

The absence of the sun

Reaching in the dark

For new places

We feel like we are

One mistake from

Being forever lost

And stop fearful

Afraid to move

Dear God

Move among the shadows

Of our despair

Show us in Your love

That darkness is

Only of the moment

And that in reaching

To each other there

Is warmth and comfort

And the assurance of

New day and new light

God bless us

And leave us assured

That even in the coldest and darkest

Of nights

That You give warmth and shelter

Till the coming of new day……………………………………..

To see you through (a poem for my wife)

Your courage is
each day new
even when skies
are black
and the day heavy
and things are as lead
and weight immovable.
Your love touches and
moves through me
holding me in tight embrace
lifting me into the light
of the day
Telling me that the love
between us
holds true fiber
even in times weary
and sad.
My prayer is that
the coming day
be light
with music dear
and hope again new
to help see you through……………………………………………..

To a flower ever in bloom

to my love

and beat of my heart

my best friend

you give shape to my hopes

and vision to my dreams

may you be well

in these tough times

and know that your

passion and courage and faith

are not in vain

and when thoughts seem

beyond control

and seizures come

as an invader fierce and relentless

know that God loves you

and will keep you

safe from all harm

and warm on His heart

You are a rose

planted fresh in each

moment of the days

may this night bring you rest

and tomorrow the first of better days

you are loved

To LInda……………………………………………..

On Valentines Day (to Linda)

Linda

You are the Valentine of

All my days

In times of hard times

you are new days

new breath

new light and new hope

your beauty is

a soft touch

to my heart

your smile is like sun

warm and kind

your touch is electric

and life

Your passion

is like a flower

always in bloom

you are a gift

from God pleased

at the work of

His Hands

For Him

you were a good day

And for me

each day

Love

May you be blessed

as you bless me

with each and every

breath

Love is patient…..Love is kind

Love endures.  It never gives up.

It  knows not timetables or schedules.  It is not based on our performance or on proving we “stack up”  in some way. It does not fall victim to disappointment.  It is more than our reactions to the circumstances of our relationships.  In accepting others as they are we affirm their worth.  We say they count and are not the things about them that we can count…behaviors, appearance, possessions, status or friends.

Love walks a fine line.  We want those we love to do well and grow.  We want their lives to bear fruit and part of love is help them plant and fertilize those seeds.  Yet it also means being there in desert times and letting them know they are not alone.

Love is about liking, but it is not our liking.  Kindness is more than a sentiment.  It is a way of seeing that lets us know that good things are sometimes gifts and not simply rewards.  It is grace given flesh and bones.

When life is hard or I am doing poorly it is sometimes very hard for me to be patient with those I love and sometimes I know it is also  hard for them.  I tend to be too hard on failure and too often take it as a statement of their personal feelings about me.  Disappointment makes me question love.  It is sometimes hard to remember that being pleased by someone and loving someone are two different things.

Love cannot be reduced to measure and so much of who we are is about how we measure our circumstances, ourselves and other people.  Love is a statement of faith.  It is the assumption, the belief that someone is worth it regardless of what circumstances might indicate or feelings suggest.  It is a passion that survives pain and anger.

Patience and kindness are feelings, but more than that.  They are how we feel, but they are also how we think, how we act, how we see and what we hold dear and valuable.

Love works.  Much of its strength is in the patience and kindness that help to give it form and expression.

I hope love works for you and within you.  And I hope and pray you will find the truth in those words in the Bible:

“Love endures long and is patient and kind.” – 1st Corinthians 13:4

Be part of the “Love Project.”  In about a month we will be posting a series of guest posts on love.  If you are interested and would like to know more, or would like to submit a post please let us know.